Sprawl #yycvote endorsements: we tell you who to vote for!

This post was gonna be funny. Now it is not.

The Sprawl

This post was supposed to be funny.

Unfortunately for you, dear reader, it won’t be. Sorry.

It was going to be a riff on the tradition of newspapers endorsing a candidate or party right before an election. Newspapers, including our daily paper-of-record, the Calgary Herald, have done this for forever. In recent years, this practice has been increasingly criticized and ridiculed online—especially after Alberta’s Postmedia papers were forced by the papers’ owners to endorse the provincial PCs in 2015.

So we were ready. The Herald would inevitably endorse somebody on the Saturday before the vote, as is its tradition. People would start losing their minds on Twitter, regardless of who was endorsed. Then we would come in and satirize the whole idea of newspaper endorsements.

“Hoo boy,” we said to ourselves as we typed out a draft. “This will be good!”

“Boy are we funny!”

Not anymore, we’re not.

Our colleagues at the Calgary Herald had to go and ruin everything by publishing a perfectly reasonable and considered editorial on Saturday. Instead of endorsing a mayoral candidate, the paper encouraged voters to look at platforms, do their research and choose wisely on Monday.

Thanks for nothing, Calgary Herald.

Consider yourself warned: what follows was going to be funny, but isn’t any longer, thanks to the Calgary Herald. They ruined it. Blame them.


OK, so now for the official Sprawl editorial board endorsements on which candidates you should vote for in the 2017 municipal election. We’ve made endorsements for mayor and councillors in each ward. (Update, 2:12 p.m., Sunday, October 15: we added public school trustee endorsements too, due to popular demand!)

Ready?

You taking notes?

All set?

Here goes.


Sprawl endorsement for Mayor

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.


Sprawl endorsements for city councillors

Ward 1

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.

Ward 2

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.

Ward 3

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.

Ward 4

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.

Ward 5

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.

Ward 6

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.

Ward 7

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.

Ward 8

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.

Ward 9

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.

Ward 10

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.

Ward 11

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.

Ward 12

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.

Ward 13

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.

Ward 14

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.


Sprawl endorsements for public school board trustees

Wards 1 & 2

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.

Wards 3 & 4

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.

Wards 5 & 10

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.

Wards 6 & 7

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.

Wards 5 & 10

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.

Wards 8 & 9

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.

Wards 11 & 13

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.

Wards 12 & 14

WHOEVER YOU DAMN WELL THINK IS BEST.


See?

Without the backdrop of an actual newspaper endorsement, it’s not funny at all.

We got scooped—by the Herald editorial board, of all people!

It will take us awhile to recover from this. Long after the ballots are counted and the winners are announced, we will still be ruminating on how we got beat at our own game, how the Herald spoiled what was undoubtedly going to be our most popular post. It surely would have gone viral.

Now it will not.

Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated at this difficult time.